The days of not seeing her…

ok so it seems like i’m blessed with either or.. like for instance, when i was broke i had this girl, not necessarily a “GF” but she was there. and it was all i needed. was her presence. and now that i’m working. and never around, it’s like i got no one. I make ridiculous money (exaggerate much). haha ok i make enough money. and i try to get girls to come out with me. and nothing seems to work. and i’ve only been working for almost 3 months. no matter what amount of money i spend i can only buy the illusion of love. the illusion of her presence. and fuck it, i don’t care. whatever keeps me sane. i tried taking this girl out before i left, we went out to drink, and that was it. it was cool, you know just her there. then i tried to, you know go out for coffee or shopping with her the day before i leave for work up here. she couldn’t make it. so you know. i’m done trying to chase woman. i mean all i do is work for my family, to try and travel, and to pay for school in vancouver. but it’s a fucken lonely path. and i go mad. “the days of waiting for her, will drive me mad. But when i do see her…i go madder still”

Honestly that’s how it will be, and is going to be for a long time.
it makes me wonder how single guys live up here.. i drove back with some friends (back to edm on our days off) and there single guys. you know obviously they party and whatnot. and these guys are like talking about getting escorts and hotels( all that rock star life shit) i wasn’t down with all that, i mean i had the money. have the money. but i was looking for the regular way of finding decent woman. going out or talking to friends of friends. and honestly this hasn’t worked for a long time. so you know what maybe i should do what they do, i only got 4days off after my 24 straight days up here. it’s not like i have the time to go looking for someone, and to sweet talk them, and make something out of it. i just don’t have the time. i mean i have to see family i have to rest, i have to do a lot. recover. might as well buy the illusion of love. that’s all it has been for a long time….

i will search this world for her. though i do not know her, but am determined to find her.

i use to be the waiting loyal dog. you know to that one girl, who made such an impression, and lead you in. then left you a stray. waiting at that “1 year station”(g-dragon song reference). and i have waited for a long time. but, i was done waiting. now i’m trying to make things happen, i just hope i’m making progress.

Some people go their whole lives without experiencing love. (i hope i’m not one of them).
Some people don’t really care for looking for this, and somehow stumble upon it. (i envy this).
Some people go their whole lives experienced it once, and they go mad trying to find it again. (i am this).