I can’t compete with that?!

You know when your single(?)

lol, like me. And your searching the web at random, mostly social networking sites (eg. Facebook; twitter; tumblr; maybe even youtube) And you come across a cutie, and you out of no where go into creep mode. So you creep their profile, check their profile pic and read their little bio. Maybe you already know her, but still creep her new pro pic. But, anyways. . .

Well on facebook when you see your chick friend, from high school, or past jobs, maybe even just acquaintances. And you see their profile picture with their boyfriend, or perhaps just a close friend. At first glance he just looks like a regular guy. And they look like a regular couple. And you think “Hmmm, Nice. Cute”

Then you think to yourself. “hmm, girls like her likes regular guys like me? maybe I have a chance” then you begin to engage into an even creepier mode. You click on the dudes profile and check out what and how he’s like. ( you know cause that’s what dudes do??)

but then he’s actually all like . . .

And then your all like . . .

Cause you realize he isn't a regular joe like yourself.

And as your flipping through the pro pics, you realize it’s obvious she likes guys like this, cause he’s cocky. . . and then you get discouraged . . .

Sitting there looking all pathetic. And average.

Cause this guy even looks good with clothes on! Like WTF!  He even also looks successful too.(at this point you should stop, But can’t seem too)

You also start to think “Wow, this guy must get a lot of chicks.”

Now your really discouraged.

Cause not only do they look good separate. They look good together. And then your all like “Fuck it, I Can’t compete with this guy”

Your then left sitting their with all these mixed emotions about woman and their interests in douchy looking guys. Especially cocky ones. That say bro and work out all the time.

You know one of those little moments. when your checking facebook and you see a friends facebook pro pic, click it. And see a guy, and you think their boyfriends are just a regular guys quite like yourself. At first glance, he is. But accordingly to his cocky photogentic pro pics. you realize nope, he’s a protien working out douche. and your left there think there’s no way you can compete with a guy like him. (Or is this just me????)

Anyways you shouldn’t feel discouraged. You should use this as a fuel to try better yourself,and look at (or for) someone better than her. And don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t go and be picky of woman. Those hotties are usually not your type, they maybe appealing to the eye. But let’s face it. Your a loser, a geek. She’s not going to like your Anime watching, figure collecting, star wars watching-self. Not to mention J-Idol watching and K-pop listening lifestyle. She wants those douchy guys who cares about their cars and physical physique. She, is in fact the opposite a douchy guy. She’s I guess maybe a bitch (the opposite?).  But hey that’s not their fault nor is it yours for being the way you are.

So when you find someone like your type, you should try and stay within your lifestyle of woman, and not those fake looking girls. But maybe your into that, I’m just saying. We all want what we can’t have. But you never know, that geek girl just might be a hottie. And who does cosplay 😛 (but thats a long shot).

I’ve heard a saying (and actually have a hot girl say this to me once) “The geek always gets the girl in the end.” (maybe in movies, but this is real life). But keep that in mind, it just might happen ^^

I would like to think so.

And maybe he will be the one with the expression . . .

Just poor men with rich ideas. . .

Wow like what the f*cking f*ck! (a good intro, i suppose. But thats how i truly feel right now)
It’s like no one wants me to go anywhere. It seems, the Universe either doesn’t want me to leave home at all, or not so soon.
I tried twice with two different options of funding for school, and failed twice. My third and perhaps final option is my own funding.
Which means, work, work, work. and after work, is more work, but hopefully with school work. I could possibly make about 5grand
over the summer. But still not enough for august start date, without funding. So I’m thinking 2012 start date. which is January 4th
I believe. I did the math and i could possibly come up with atleast 10-15 grand. still need funding. So with my savings i hope they
give me student loans. Please understand my situation. I will do my best, blood sweat and tears (literally) .
I don’t come from a rich(wealthy) family, but we’re pretty comfortable. Not exactly struggling, but we go through some rough times.
Me and my brother are just poor men, with rich ideas. I hope to atleast make things for my other brother, and little sister easier
to get into what they want to go into after H.S. And we come from a family of artists pretty much. My mom was an artist, and history enthusiast.
My papa was a hockey player (a form of art). Those combine makes up for an amazing children and big dreams, I suppose.
We’re just stuck I suppose. I hope to build our family into something other families in our situation, look forward, and that it can be done.
I want to put our name on a map somewhere (anywhere), and not just another family who accepts the laws of status and keep our place.

It’s been said that the past is what defines us, well that’s not true for all of us. Some of us see ourselves in the future, we’re artists. And this, this is where our future begins. Where were currently at. Where your currently at. The bottom, from scratch. Just our rich ideas, and dreams.

The days of not seeing her…

ok so it seems like i’m blessed with either or.. like for instance, when i was broke i had this girl, not necessarily a “GF” but she was there. and it was all i needed. was her presence. and now that i’m working. and never around, it’s like i got no one. I make ridiculous money (exaggerate much). haha ok i make enough money. and i try to get girls to come out with me. and nothing seems to work. and i’ve only been working for almost 3 months. no matter what amount of money i spend i can only buy the illusion of love. the illusion of her presence. and fuck it, i don’t care. whatever keeps me sane. i tried taking this girl out before i left, we went out to drink, and that was it. it was cool, you know just her there. then i tried to, you know go out for coffee or shopping with her the day before i leave for work up here. she couldn’t make it. so you know. i’m done trying to chase woman. i mean all i do is work for my family, to try and travel, and to pay for school in vancouver. but it’s a fucken lonely path. and i go mad. “the days of waiting for her, will drive me mad. But when i do see her…i go madder still”

Honestly that’s how it will be, and is going to be for a long time.
it makes me wonder how single guys live up here.. i drove back with some friends (back to edm on our days off) and there single guys. you know obviously they party and whatnot. and these guys are like talking about getting escorts and hotels( all that rock star life shit) i wasn’t down with all that, i mean i had the money. have the money. but i was looking for the regular way of finding decent woman. going out or talking to friends of friends. and honestly this hasn’t worked for a long time. so you know what maybe i should do what they do, i only got 4days off after my 24 straight days up here. it’s not like i have the time to go looking for someone, and to sweet talk them, and make something out of it. i just don’t have the time. i mean i have to see family i have to rest, i have to do a lot. recover. might as well buy the illusion of love. that’s all it has been for a long time….

i will search this world for her. though i do not know her, but am determined to find her.

i use to be the waiting loyal dog. you know to that one girl, who made such an impression, and lead you in. then left you a stray. waiting at that “1 year station”(g-dragon song reference). and i have waited for a long time. but, i was done waiting. now i’m trying to make things happen, i just hope i’m making progress.

Some people go their whole lives without experiencing love. (i hope i’m not one of them).
Some people don’t really care for looking for this, and somehow stumble upon it. (i envy this).
Some people go their whole lives experienced it once, and they go mad trying to find it again. (i am this).

Tomorrow starts today…

“No matter what the odds are, Focus, Determination and Passion will get you through the storm because at the end of all storms are blue skies and calm waters.

If you have hit a wall then climb over it or break it down because if you do nothing then you will be staring at the wall for the rest of your life – and you never know, the wall may fall on you cutting your life short

these obstacles should be treated as a gift from fate which should spur us to improve, learn and make us stronger. Allowing obstacles to consume us does nothing for life.” -Danny Choo(japanese, tokyo blogger/and web designer…and other amazing things :3.)

^^and contributing to the last lines of the quote is…

“Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own mind.”

So therefore i should not allow so called “fate” hold me back, my head playing tricks on me telling me to follow through on my goals/ambitions(or whatever you want to call it). i use to be full of hesitation and still kinda am. Full of hesitation, not sure about tomorrow, and only did what i could do today. but now i hope it all changes. cause my tomorrow is today. i always wonder what or how “great” people went through, or got through the tough times. or when people actually realize what their goals are in life. or what they felt like when they found out what their passion is. or if they even had that hardship, that doubtful feeling. The hesitant thing they got through….
Honestly i’m scared. i don’t know what to expect, and i’m having doubts, on if i can even make it, or even accomplish have of what i want to get done.
I can’t stop the inevitable. the hardships, the really tough, and doubtful times ahead. Nerve racking. Makes my stomach uneasy. I can only manage what i can do today, un-certain about the future, hesitant– Again.
My own self-doubt it holding me back.
It seems, about every time about this part of the year i give up on something. for some reason that’s beyond me, i just simply “give up”?! and i don’t know why…like wtf. i’m just realizing this…*sigh* ugh, and i think it’s time to break that cycle.
I am a “Prisoner” of my own mind…ever watch that movie with Jason Statham? Revolver? kinda like that, the self-doubting you, who hides in the last place you’ll ever look… i wonder where i hide?

(Edit 03.05.10) i wrote the first bit before i started working up here (northern AB) in the oil sands.
even though i had all that self-doubt, and uneasiness about me. I still went through with this, even though it was really, really difficult to even start, so i thought if i couldn’t even start, how could i even maintain it? but after all that hardships, and i guess BS(bull-Sh*t) i still came up here. And to achieve a goal.
It’s really tough being far from home, but i need to get use to it. if i want to travel and whatnot. I feel alot of lonely nights ahead of me.
*SIGH* i’m also really frustrated with not completely getting all the scaffolding signals, materials, and whatnot. i need some source of study, but the internet has sh*t all about stuff like this. I also feel alot of difficulties with working with other people above me, and the more experienced workers :/
i want to show pictures of where i work, but it strictly prohibited to take photos. cuase of obvious reasons. (FYI the environment).


it’s about time to get off that leaf in the pond and explore.
And i feel like 2thousand and Ten is that year to get going.

my whole life i felt like all i knew was what i was taught and knew was, well what i knew. just like the frog in the pond.
The frog on the leaf in the pond, what he knows is the best, and all he knows is all that there is to it.
which i think means is… all that you know is what you know, and you think what you know is the best. which probably isn’t you need to have a more open mind, and have opinion on other things. especially in other parts of the world. and i feel like my environment is quite small once you think about it. so i want to expand on what my eyes see and what my ears hear. therefore i want to…i guess i’m lost for better words but, to get things going.
no more staying in my comfort zone on my leaf, time to move forward with things.

Forever waiting…

The reason the butterfly loves the flower, is becuase the flower stands still and waits for the butterfly. The flower doesn’t cry as it waits, it merley blooms then fades.

ask yourself if your the butterfly or the flower? the butterfly is usually the someone who is always away, and almost never get to see. but when you do, you feel like you can move on. only for that momen, simply with their presence you can somewhat live and smile another day. The flower is usually that someone who will always wait for that beautiful butterfly to come around and bless you with it’s presence.

^^^ that’s the beautiful side of a story, on the same lines. and probably more along the lines of real life. Reality if you will. but….

like the story of the owner and the dog. The dog so loyal and the owner somewhat not very thoughtful or thankful amd not knowing to whomself of what he/she really has. The owner leaves the dog, the dog not knowing that the owner will never return. The Loyal dog will wait for it’s owner to return, loyal and stubborn as he/she is, they will probably wait forever. Not knowing they will never return to you.